How could you?
by forgotten twilight
Summary: what if bella never jumped off the cliff? what if bella and jacob actually kissed? what if edward didn't go to volterra and instead came back to forks to beg on his hands and knees for her to take him back. would she? or will she choose jacob? ExB
1. He's not coming back

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

NEW MOON SPOLIERS

_What it Bella never jumped off the cliff? Alice would have never had the vision and Edward would have never gone to Volterra to kill himself. So there would be no faithful phone call from Edward the day of Henry's Funeral, and thus, no interruption of the almost-kiss between Bella and Jacob. And that almost-kiss would become a kiss, and what would happen when Edward came back begging for Bella to take him back, when she kissed Jacob?_

**He's not coming back**

_He was coming closer to my lips. I hadn't thought about this thoroughly yet. I mean what if he came back, _cringing at the thought of seeing him again._ He wouldn't even care; he doesn't even love me any more. He left me; I bet he moved on already. I should have a chance to be happy too._ I had to control my emotions. Rage and sorrow overwhelmed my thoughts. I hated him for leaving me; if I could I would claw out his un-beating heart. How could he? If he didn't love me then why did he lie for the months when he was here? But, I didn't fake it. I actually love him; I always have and probably always will. Tears were building up, but I couldn't let them out. I kept a straight face, like the one I kept for Charlie during my zombie period. _My zombie period. What if that happened again? What if Jake left me too? But, he promised he would never hurt me, and so did "he", _once more cringing at the name. A strong pain began to tear through my chest, but I couldn't let Jacob see it. He was still standing there. No more than 5 inches away from my face. He had a pleading look in his eyes. What was I doing? I slowly inched forward. The distance between us was getting smaller with each movement. He was no more that an inch away from me now. His eyes were not as pleading. He slowly leaned his head down and I inched up on my toes. Why did he have to be so tall? _This is it. After this there is no going back. I guess I need to accept that "he's" not going to come back for me. It will be as if he never existed._ And with those final thoughts out lips touched and all my raging emotions and screaming thoughts seized. But still one question ran through my head deep down in my sub conscious._ What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?!_ But that yell was so faint, I could hardly hear it.

We stood there kissing for what seemed like hours. When I peeked at the clock in the kitchen I realized that it had been no more than 15 seconds. What ever I was doing, I kind of like it. I hadn't felt this way in over 7 months. We broke apart for a breath. Maybe having a boyfriend who could breathe like me would help with several things. Even if he was half dog. I dated a vampire, what's so different about a werewolf. I smiled at the thought, and he smiled back.

"I think I better go. Sam is going to be wondering where I am, and Charlie should be back soon." He spoke with an apologetic look. But then he smiled again. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?" he asked enthusiastically and a glint of hope embedded in his smile.

"Of course," I smiled back looking forward to tomorrow. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek and escorted himself out. No long suffering through continuous convulsions of his body.

He closed the door hesitantly with one last glace at me, leaving me in a silent empty house. For once in my life, everything turned out okay.

My heart was slightly racing from the events that had happened. _Charlie would be home soon, I should take a shower before he comes back._ I turned around and swiftly glided to the stairs. Bad idea. I once again tripped over air landing flat on my face.

"Oww" I mumbled to no one. Why did I have to be born without balance? I pulled myself up noticing that to my luck I didn't cut or bruise myself. That wasn't so bad. I continued to climb the stairs until I reached the hallway. Ever so carefully I continued walking to the bathroom so I could take a shower without hurting myself. I grabbed some clothes from my room and headed down the hallway towards the bathroom.

When I stepped out of the shower I slipped on the small puddle of water collected outside of the shower. Once more to my luck, I didn't fall. I simply lost my balance for a moment.

As soon as I got dressed there was a faint noise from outside. _Charlie must be home._ I thought. I hurried to finish changing and strode out of the bathroom checking to make sure there were no hidden puddles across the tile floor. I gently grasped the door knob that was clouded with moisture from the hot water. I cracked the door and peeked down the hallway. All the lights still seemed to be off and no one was home.

"Hello?" I yelled out to see if Charlie was inside.

There was nothing but silence.

I pushed the door open and went to check if his car was outside. It wasn't. _Well that was weird. I guess it was the wind or something like that. Oh well._ Since it was spring break I had no homework to occupy me. I sighed. Why couldn't Jacob wait a little longer? It was so empty in this house without anyone else here. I sighed again. _I guess I better start dinner._ And with that I headed into the kitchen and began to prepare dinner for Charlie. From what happened to him today, I'm sure he would want dinner when he came home. I set the table while the food was in the oven and ate alone, as I usually did. Lately I've been eating with Emily most of the time. Sometimes Jacob would come and keep me company. I smiled at the thought.

When I finished my meal, I wrapped up a plate full of food and put it in the fridge so Charlie could microwave it whenever he got home. Now what was I to do? I had no homework. I made dinner and ate it. I took a shower. Maybe I could call Jacob? But odds are he would be out doing god knows what.

I haven't talked to Renee in a long time. I bet I have a million e-mail messages on my computer. That should occupy me for some time. So that's what I did. I climb the stairs (very slowly and carefully) and was lucky enough to not trip.

I reached my room and slowly turned my door knob and idly opened my door. What better did I have to do? The door opened and a quick rush of cold air over whelmed my entire body. I raised my head to gaze upon my room. For some strange reason my window was open. _Why on earth is my window open? What the hell is going on?_ I got a sudden urge of fear. Was someone in the house? I stepped forward and walked to the window hesitantly. I raised my arm and pulled the window closed and locked it tight. Something inside me was screaming to run out and get help. But… I didn't. I was glued in my spot. It was twilight, the sun was about to hide under the horizon and temporarily darken the sky. There was a slight pink glow outlining the tops of the trees that surrounded this desolate town of rain and clouds. I had another painful convulsion in my chest.

I sighed again and turned around and froze. My eyes were wide and tears began to simultaneously pour down my cheeks. That faint voice that I could hardly hear began screaming so clearly that it felt like it was standing right next to me. _"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING?!?!?! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!?!?!?" _ It shrieked over and over again. What was I thinking?

There, in my room, no more than ten feet away from me was "him." Just standing there staring at me with no emotion. The pain and ache was unbearable now. I couldn't breathe and the breaths I was able to take were short and small like gasps. My hands started to tremble. Then my entire body began to shake. The pain grew more and more. Uncontrollable sobs escaped my already pained chest.

My legs gave out and I crumbled to the floor. He never moved. He just stood there staring at me with pained eyes. The cold bare wood floor froze me face and I began to shiver. So there I lay. Crumpled on my stomach lying on the floor. Every part of my body shook and ached. And that entire uncaring bastard could do was stare!!!

He took a step forward and another, and another. Soon he was standing over my cold, aching body. He kneeled down and put his ice cold hand on my shoulder which made me even colder. I winced when he touched me.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I howled. He instantly drew back his hand.

"B-Bella," he whispered. "Bella" he whispered again.

I began to hyperventilate. I couldn't breathe and he wasn't helping.

"Bella," he screamed in a worried tone.

He picked me up and carried me over to my bed and covered me up with the comforter resting at the foot of my mattress.

"Shh, Bella. Sshhh. It's okay, take a deep breath," he said trying to comfort me.

"GET AWAY FROM ME. HOW CAN YOU SAY IT'S OKAY? YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!!" I screeched. His expression was hurt. His eyes were wide with sorrow and regret. I was glad. He deserved to fell guilt and grief. He deserved so be overwhelmed with sorrow and confusion.

But even if he was hurt by my sudden outburst, the gasps didn't stop. Each breathe was shorter and shorter. Tears stained my cheeks and the convulsions stopped. I curled myself into a ball and hugged my knees. When I was finally able to get a deep breathe and relax a little more, I got up.

"So…what are you doing here? You're breaking your promise." I stated. This time not only did his eyes looked pained but his entire body (if that was even possible).

He began to whisper. "I-I…I'm sorry. I-,"

"You're sorry?!?!" I interrupted him shouting once more. "YOU'RE SORRY???" I questioned.

"Yes… I'm sorry, I-I still love y-you. I never stopped. I love you, Bella. And I'm sorry." He whispered with his head hung low. That silenced me. It was my turn to stare now. And I did just that. _How could he? Was I dreaming? He left and promised he was never coming back. Why did he have to come back now?_

He raised he head from his slouched position. And for the first time in over 7 months I was able to stare into his coal black eyes. But, they were different. His eyes were beautiful whether they be back or topaz. But his eyes were now, empty and flat. That retained no beauty."

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" I questioned disappointed.

"w-what are you talking about, Bella? You're no dreaming. Why would you think that?" his musical voice filled with skepticism.

"Because, you don't love me. You never loved me. You left 7 months ago and promised that I would never see you again. This had to happen. Just when I begin to be happy again I have a dream of you. The world just doesn't want me to be happy!!! That's why!" I yelled. This time I don't think he could look and more regretful. He…he really was sorry. And… I… still loved him.

**For the record, I'm all about the bella+Edward thing. I never once supported the bella+Jacob (okay I lied, I think that the bella+Jacob thing is sweet but it certainly is no Bella+Edward) so don't assume this is all about Jacob and bella. Also, someone already wrote a story like this. It's a great story and I love it. But I thought of the idea for this story a while ago then I saw that it was already made but with a few minor exceptions (actually there where a lot of changes). So I had to change this from what it originally was. If it sounds too similar to the other story I just want you to know that I'm not trying to steal it. I love that story and when ever they update a scream with glee. Ok, long rant over. ENJOY and please review. I would greatly appreciate it.**


	2. Smile like you mean it

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Thank you very much for all those people who left a review. I agree about the whole Edward and Bella bond. They're so perfect for each other awww. On with the story and enjoy.

**Smile like you mean it**

What was wrong with me? After all he did, and I still loved him. He didn't even love me! Why did this need to be so frustrating. How couldn't I tell that he didn't love me? I mean I never made sense. He was a perfect vampire who could read minds and all I was, was an average human no different from anyone else except for the fact I smelled good. And having people love you for your scent wasn't too flattering. What did I have to offer him, my angel? I was a pathetic excuse for a human as it was. Why couldn't Victoria just kill me and get it over with. Why did I need to wait until Jacob and his pack slipped up and she could get to me? GREAT, JUST GREAT. I'm now a pathetic excuse for a human WITH suicidal thoughts with no extra charge. I've got everything going on tonight I'll tell ya that.

I tilted my head back and squeezed my eyes shut. Hopefully this nightmare would be over soon. But when it did, that pain would be even more unbearable than ever before. And if I was dreaming, why did I feel that tremendous pain just now? Things just seemed to be getting better and better tonight. I opened my eyes expecting him to be long gone and having me be left alone in an empty room on an empty bed. Once more, I was wrong.

I jumped when 2 solid topaz orbs were piercing my heart with their beauty.

"Of course," I sighed. "Next I suppose you'll tell me that you're here to stay?" I said with sarcasm. If I showed even the slightest but of emotion, it would feel more real. And it would be harder for him to leave.

"…Bella…" he whispered with a hurt expression. His face was no more that a few inches away from mine and his scent overwhelmed my mind….WHOA WHOA WHOA, HIS SCENT!!!! YOU DON'T SMELL SCENTS IN DREAMS. ESPECIALLY ONES THAT SEEM SO REAL.

My eyes widened, "Oh dear god, this isn't a dream is it? I'm awake aren't I?" My voice shaky and nervous.

He looked too confused. Perfect but confused, he raised one of his perfect eyebrows in a perfectly confused manner. And this perfect was _real_. "Of course you're awake. Why would you think that?" he questioned, still just as perfect, still just as confused.

As a response a dry humorless laugh escaped my lips. This was so convincing. He didn't seem to sense the humor though. "Oh crap, you're real! You're not lying!" this was turning out as a very bad night.

My eyes began to sting and salty tears poured down my cheeks uncontrollably. My body rattled with sobs and convulsions. I was going back into shock.

"Bella, maybe I should go. Maybe this was a bad idea." His velvety voice claimed with sorrow and hurt. Maybe he didn't want to go.

"NO… that would just make it worse," I blurted out. I didn't want him to leave. I didn't see my angel for 7 months and if he left now I don't think I would be able to handle it again.

When I said that, I imagined that famous crocked smile that I loved so much appearing for the first time in a very long time, but it didn't. He had the same black expression. Blazing empty eyes, a slightly raised eyebrow out of confusion, and his mouth curved to a small downward angle that said suffering and agony all over it. I couldn't help but feel that that was my fault.

He slowly back away from my face. His dazzling aroma fading with him. He stood up facing me and turned around facing the window. He was going to leave. But he couldn't! I couldn't put Charlie through all that pain again, plus with the recent death of Henry. Not to mention Jacob. He was my best friend and it would kill him to see me like that again.

"Please don't" I whispered as he took his first step towards that window at a human pace. He listened.

He turned around as gracefully as I remembered. But instead of sitting directly in front of me, he sat directly to my left, but still very close.

"What have I done to you?" he said mostly to himself. The confusion was now gone replaced with wide sorrow filled eyes and a mournful gaze.

"What do you mean?" I questioned back, a little hurt by his comment.

"What have I done to you, Bella?! Look at yourself. You thin k this is a dream. You lost every bit of humor in your laugh. When was the last time you even smiled? And I mean smiled like you mean it, not put on a good face for family and friends." He began to raise his voice slightly. And as much as I hated to admit it, he was right.

"7 months and 15 days." I stated.

"What?" confusion once more reappearing upon his stunning features.

"It's been 7 months and 15 days since the last time I smiled like I meant it."

He was silent. He left exactly 7 months and 15 days ago. And by the looks on his face, he knew that. He began to mumble something at the speed of a vampire. It sounded like a humming noise that it was so fast. I could not understand what he was trying to say.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU? I COMPLETELY DESTROYED YOUR LIFE. I RUINED EVERYTHING. JUST BY MEETING YOU, JUST BY SEEING YOU, I DESTROYED EVERYHING. WHAT KIND OF SICK, TWISTED MONSTER AM I?!?" I was shocked by the sudden outburst of anger and grief.

"It's not YOUR fault. It's mine. I was the stupid human who had to get involved with the wrong people. NOT YOU. I'm the one who ruined everything. No wonder Rosalie hates the very thought of me. AND DON'T DENY IT. YOU KNOW JUST AS GOOD AS ME THAT SHE DOES." He too became startled. Apparently we both hated ourselves.

"Bella. Please be serious. This has absolutely NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It's not YOUR fault. It's entirely mine. I'm the imperfect pathetic excuse for a creature on this earth." this was beginning to become of fight over who was the most pathetic. I couldn't help but chuckle in my head at the thought of that.

"You're calling yourself imperfect!!!" I screeched back. It was a good thing that Charlie wasn't home yet. Our voices were beginning to become screams of anger and despair.

"THAT'S BECAUSE I AM, BELLA. HOW DO YOU THIN K I'M PERFECT??? HOW?! YOU ARE TRULY THE MOST COMPLICATED PERSON I'VE EVER MET THROUGHOUT MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE. AND LET ME TELL YOU, YOU MEET "A LOT" OF PEOPLE IN 100 YEARS!!!" he seemed to emphasize how many people exactly.

'WHY DO YOU HATE YOURSELF SO MUCH?! AT LEAST YOU'VE TRIED TO MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE. I STAYED HERE WALKING AROUND LIKE AN EMOTIONLESS ZOMBIE. I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO SLEEP ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE NIGHT WITHOUT WAKING UP SCREAMING. I DON'T TALK TO ANY ONE OF MY FRIENDS AND THEY ALL AVOID ME. I DO STUPID AND HARMFUL THINGS THAT ARE POSSIBLY SUICIDAL JUST TO HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!! HOW CAN YOU HATE YOURSELF?" I don't think I could have screamed any harder.

Suddenly he placed his arms on my shoulders. His grip was tight so I couldn't pull away. The ice temperature from his body sent a chill through mine. "Isabella," he spoke calmly. "Don't you see…? I was the person who caused all that for you. I'm the reason behind your suffering. I'm the reason you're trapped in this dark and damp town. Me, not you. I hate myself because I hurt you. I destroyed you life and crushed every bit of happiness that once flowed freely through you. I'm the reason your always in danger. I hurt you by staying here, even if you didn't realize it. That's why I left, Bella.

"I love you, Bella. I always have and I always will. I would have never been able to leave if I didn't think that it would be good for you. I could never stay away from you. You were on my mind every moment of the time I was gone. Please know that I didn't want to leave, but I had to. I had to do it for you. I couldn't do it for anyone else. I love you, Bella."

He then took my speechless face between his cold marble hands and gazed longingly into my eyes. _And all this time I've been torturing myself._

"Bella, if you give me another chance. I swear, I will _never_ hurt you again. I love you too much to leave you like that again. I would never be able to do it."

"…_Edward…" _I whispered his name for the first time in months. It didn't sting or ach. When I spoke his name I didn't cringe and turn away. I didn't clench onto the empty hole arising in my chest. I felt… whole. I felt right. "_I love you._" I whispered again.

As I finished those last words he closed the space between us and for the longest time, our lips met. For the first time in months I felt like my heart was actually beating. It was racing fast than I could ever imagine.

And for the first time in 7 months and 15 days, I smiled like I meant it.

Now all I had to do was tell Charlie…and Jake.

**Hope you liked it. Now why can't that happen to me. Btw, the reason its so mood swingy is because I was watching one of those chick flick movies. It made me cry. So anyway, I hope you liked it. PLEZZ REVIEW. It would make me smile. Thank you!! I shall update so0on.**


	3. We can't always get what we want

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Once again, thank you very much for the reviews. Lately my computer is being really annoying and it hasn't been nice to me. So if I don't update this story at least once a week, that's why. On with the story. Thanks again.**

**We can't always get what we want**

That voice began to scream at me. It continued to yell over and over "what do you think you're doing you idiot!?" and I didn't blame it for yelling. My will crumbled the instant he touched my face and I lost all control of my body. I had no idea of what I was doing. For all I know he could just pack up and leave once he gets bored of me. And he will. What did I have to offer him besides… well…nothing!

Odds are someone would figure out that the Cullen's are back. Maybe not now, but soon. There are no secrets in Forks. Someone would find out and then Charlie would find out. Then Charlie will tell Billy and Billy will tell Jacob. Then Jacob will come over and pull me away to La Push in hopes of saving me from getting hurt by Edward again. No matter how you put it, Jacob would find out. Even if no body told him, he would be able to smell them. Being best friends with a werewolf and in love with a vampire (even if you wanted to claw his unbeating heart out with your bare hands- even though it's not possible- for leaving you in some wet town and then reappearing and thinking that everything would be okay again!!!) was not a good thing.

But how could Edward do that? Yes, I loved him. At a point in my life I thought he was more important than life itself, and I still think that. But that doesn't mean I'm not furious at him for doing what he did. If Edward really wanted me to be happy, than he wouldn't have left me in the first place, or have come back to ruin everything when I was beginning to get over it. How could I have forgiven him so easily?! I was a stupid fool that's for sure. But now that he's back, I don't want him to leave. Ever, ever again. Why did he have to go and ruin everything!!! Why did I need to be such a pathetic human!!! Why, why, why??? I didn't deserve this.

I had to know if really meant what he said, or if he would just get bored. This wouldn't be the first time he broke a promise. But I wanted it to be the last. I desperately wanted it to be the last time he would _ever _break a promise. I wanted it to be the last time Edward _ever _left me. But we can't what we want.

"You never answered my question, Edward." I spoke flatly. My entire body was unwillingly locked in his marble embrace. His cold, hard, loving embrace. God, how I missed it.

"What are you talking about?" he sounded very confused. I don't understand why.

"You never answered my question. What do you want?" I couldn't help but feel that I said that rudely. But I felt no regret in sounding rude.

"Bella…" he spoke surprised by my sudden question. "Bella, I want you."

I pulled away from his embrace. "Why?!" I screeched "Why!!" repeating my demanding question. "Why would you possibly want me!!!!!" and once again we were back to the yelling and arguing. I just hope that this argument didn't end with him leaving, for good. I never wanted him to leave. I loved him and probably always will.

"Do I need a reason for loving you?" he argued back with that same hurt accent.

"Yes, yes you do!" I said with the slightest touch of humor. I don't think he noticed though.

"Because I just do. I don't see how you love me either. How could you love a monster like me? After all I did to you…" he trailed off.

"This is not about me, Edward. This is about you. Now, why do you love me? How could you love me? Do you even love me?" I spoke with sorrow.

"…Bella…" he whispered my name. "Why do you doubt the fact that I love you? I love you, isn't that enough? I don't know what I can do you show you just how much I love you." I could barely hear his voice. But I knew that he meant it. Or at least I hoped. "I want to stay here with you, Bella. I love you."

"We can't always get what we want." I replied almost heartless. It's not what I wanted to say. I wanted to say "oh, Edward, I love you too. Promise me you'll stay with me." But no0o0o0 I didn't. Little miss stupid had to go and say the worst possible thing just to protect herself from being hurt again!!! Now I sound like Edward!!!!! I sighed. "…Edward… I do love you. But I don't know if you love me-"

"I do love you, that's what I'm trying to say." He interrupted.

"Then why did you leave me?" I spoke with tears beginning to from around my eyes again.

"I didn't _want_ to leave you, Bella. It was the last thing I wanted to do."

"Than why did you?" tears were now simultaneously streaming down my cheeks. He lifted his hand and whipped them away with his stinging cold hand.

"I didn't want you to be hurt because of me." He voiced quietly.

"But you hurt me by leaving, Edward. You left me here. I was nothing. I was a poor excuse for a human. You weren't helping at all!" I could tell my words were upsetting him, but it was the truth. He didn't help me by leaving. The only person you helped me was Jacob. I don't think that he ever broke his promise to me. And when he did, he would always fix it.

"I'm so, so sorry, Bella. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you. I never wanted to do that. I never wanted to leave. I was nothing without you. I'm so sorry, Bella. Please, forgive me. I would do anything for you. I love you more than life. I never wanted to hurt you and I am so sorry." After he said he loved me he couldn't look into my eyes. Was he lying, or could he not bare to stand to see me hurt? Either way, he seemed hurt. The dark circles around his eyes seemed darker than their usual dark. His eyes were no longer topaz but a dark black.

"Are you mad?" I questioned simply. He was usually mad when his eyed were black. The last thing I wanted was him to be mad.

"…yes… but not at you. I could never be mad at you. I furious at myself. I was so stupid for leaving you. I never deserved you. I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I'm sorry for ever ruining your life."

"You're leaving me again aren't you?" that's almost what he said when he left before. He said that he ruined my life for even existing. It pained me to think of that day.

"Not unless you want me to. Do you?" with the same hurt expression. His face never seemed to change.

Did I want him to leave? Charlie would be back from Harry's funeral soon. Jacob would find out that Edward came back. Even if he just visited me, he would find out. When he did find out, it wouldn't be good. "I'm not sure, Edward. Honestly, I still think I'm dreaming." And it was the truth. This was all far too good to be true.

He whispered my name again. His voice repeated ion my head over and over. His breath gave me a sudden high and his musical tone made me calm. I didn't want to lose this. I loved this feeling and I never wanted it to go away.

Suddenly Edward straightened up. A snarl erupted from his throat. His grip on my shoulder was firm and hard. I couldn't escape from his grasp. There was a brief, intense knock at the door. _That couldn't have been Charlie, unless of course he was extremely drunk. But that's not Charlie; he would never do anything like that._

"Bella I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I should have never left you. I was never helping. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, please, please for give me for what I did." He spoke quickly and frantically. He meant every word he was saying. A sob actually escaped from his chest.

"Edward, who's at the door," my voice was shaky. What if it was Victoria? She wouldn't hesitate to kill me on the spot knowing that Edward was watching. And since Edward was such an emotional wreck these days, I don't think he could do anything to save himself.

He didn't answer. He just let go of my shoulder. Did he want me to go downstairs and answer it? Who ever was at the door impatiently knocked again, but louder. Edward wouldn't let go of me if he didn't think it was safe. 

"Be safe," he whispered so low that I was barely able to hear it.

"Just promise me that you'll be here when I get back," I didn't want him to leave. Not now at least.

"I promise," he leaned down a kissed my forehead. His body temperature sending a shock through my entire body. I turned around and headed out of my bedroom and made my way downstairs. I was careful enough not to trip. I reached the door and slowly opened it anxious of who might be knocking. When I opened the door and raised my head my entire body went into shock.

"_Way to go you idiot!!!!!!!"_ the voice screamed louder than ever imaginable.

Victoria wasn't at the door or Charlie. Not even one of the Cullen's was standing in front of me.

When I finally raised my eyes to the strangers face I saw one, very, very angry Jacob Black.

**Hope you liked it. Btw, I just realized, when I was skimming through new moon for reference that it ISN'T Henry its Harry. I'm so so so so so sorry, but I suck with names. So for the first 2 chapters I was saying the wrong name. If I could go back and fix it I would, but I couldn't. Also, thank you for the friendly advice on the reviews as you can see, I took it. I think it made the story better so thank you. Keep the reviews coming. XD (sorry again about the name thing. I'm REALLY bad at names)**


	4. Selfish fool

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Thanks again for understanding my little name mix up. At least I got Emily right! R&R!!!**

**Selfish Fool**

"J-Jacob, what are you doing here? Is something wrong?" of course something was

wrong. I had a vampire up in my room and a werewolf at my door getting even more

furious by the second. This was _not_ going to end well.

"Where is that bloodsucker?!" he stormed with anger.

"Jacob, please, Calm down." God only knows what will happen if Jacob loses control of

his anger. After what he did to Laurent, I have no idea what he could possibly do to

Edward…

Jacob began to shake violently and uncontrollably. It was only a matter of time until he

lost all control. 

"Careful now, Black. You wouldn't want to hurt Bella," A voice erupted behind us. It was

Edward. Was he insane!!! "I'm right here." He spoke flatly.

"What are you doing here!?!" Jacob demanded pushing past me and into the house.

"Bella, you might want to leave," Edward recommended, doubting Jacob's self control.

"She's fine! Now, what are you doing here?" Jacob's frustration was rising. His tremors

became stronger and more frequent. I started to think that maybe Edward was right.

Maybe I should leave.

"I came to see Bella," he stated.

"Bella?" Jacob said directing the question at me.

"She didn't know I was coming, I just did." Edward interrupted.

"Stay out of my head!" Jacob commanded. "Why did you come back? Don't you think

you caused her enough pain? Did you think that by coming back here and saying a few

fancy words it would make everything right?!" he was right though. Even if Edward did

come back, it doesn't erase the past.

"Edward… he's right," I whispered with sorrow. "It kills me to admit it, but he's right. It

doesn't make everything right. I don't know what can."

"You think I don't know that. Bella, that's why I'm here, that's what I'm trying to do. That's

what I _will _do. I didn't want to see you hurt. I was putting you in danger by even existing,

Bella. Would you have rather died or have me leave?" he questioned hurt. He didn't

seem to care that Jacob was here. He was standing directly in front of me clasping my

shoulders with icy marble hands, making my heart race.

"I would rather die," I said immediately. I didn't have to think about that answer. I was

already dying being away from him, no matter what I did.

They both stared at me in shock, especially, Jacob. After all he did for me; he didn't

deserve to hear this. I kept a straight face meeting Edward's gaze. I don't even think I

was blinking. I just kept staring at him and him and Jacob at me.

"This is why I left, Bella. I was putting you in constant danger. You don't understa-"

"I understand perfectly," I began screaming. "In case you haven't notice it's not your

choice. It's mine. If I want to put myself in constant danger, than I will. But you have no

say in that matter. You might have had an opinion before but now you have nothing."

"Bella-" he said softly. His eyes were screaming with agony. The hole began to burn but I

didn't dare show any emotion.

"Leave!!" I commanded screaming louder than necessary, the hole beginning to tear

open wider and wider. The pain was unbearable. I was making the most stupid decision

of my life. "You too, Jacob." I said lower but my voice still retaining its original anger. I

just needed to be alone.

Jacob could tell I meant it. I didn't want to yell at him. But I needed to be alone, I couldn't

take anymore of this and any moment I was going to explode with cries of pain, agony,

and anger. He quickly got the message and calmly walked out the door without

complaint.

"I did that to you," Edward said mostly to himself. I couldn't bear to look into his suffering

eyes.

_Oh, god. Edward read Jacob's mind again didn't he? _ I thought nervously.

"I told you to stay out of my head!" Jacob yelled from the doorway.

Edward ignored him. "I'm sorry, Bella. You have no idea how sorry I am." And with his

last words he disappeared. He was out of the house and gone… again.

"I'm sorry you have to go through with this again, Bella," Jacob spoke compassionately.

He shook even more violently than he was before. "I can understand if you want to stay

home tomorrow. Just promise to put on a good face for Charlie. I won't mention

anything. Not even to Sam."

"Thank you," I sobbed. There was no way I could through with this again.

Jacob gave me a small sincere smile and shut the door. I was completely alone now.

What have I done?

"What have I done!?!?!?!?" I screeched so loud that is hurt my throat. "You idiot! What

the hell were you thinking??? He was trying to apologize and you just threw it in his face.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO LISTEN!!!! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!!!" I

sobbed to myself. I bet everyone could hear my frantic screams. I'm sure even Jacob

could hear me. I didn't care if the world could hear! I didn't care about anything! I just did

the most stupid thing in the world!!! What? Have? I? Done?

My sobs, cries, gasps for air shook my body uncontrollably. This was so much worse

than him not loving me. I convinced Edward that I didn't love him. What kind if heartless

creature am I? I hurt the one man I could ever love. He wasn't going to come back. After

what I did and said, why should he? He could find someone better than me. He would

find someone who would listen to him when he wanted to apologize and someone who

had at least 1/8 of his beauty and perfection.

"I'm so, so, so sorry. This was all my fault. I caused all this trouble. I caused you all this

pain, I'm so sorry. You did nothing. I'm sorry," I gasped out loud. And it was all true. I

caused him the pain he suffered each day by even existing "Everything would be better

for you if I didn't exist, Edward. I'm sorry I had to complicate and ruin your life." I

whispered to him even though he was probably miles away from me. I fell to the floor

broken down with tear stained cheeks and countless gasps for air. I was a pathetic heap,

of a selfish fool.

"Don't you _ever_ say that, Isabella." A musical voice scolded. "You _never_ ruined my life.

You made everything about this life of endless darkness beautiful. Without you I would

be nothing." The musical voice explained.

_This must be another hallucination. He's gone and he's never coming back because of _

_me._

My eyes were now blurred with tears and the whole in my chest was tearing me apart.

No matter what I did the pain never seized.

The angel whispered my name. I felt something cold roll me around and pick me up. My

mind began to whirl from the scent that rolled off my angel. I wrapped my arms around

my angel's neck and buried my face into his marble shoulder.

My angel carried me up the stairs with astounding grace and with little effort, and placed

me on my bed in my room. He kissed my forehead and covered my trembling body with

the quilt that was folded at the foot of my bed.

"I love you," I whispered barely conscious.

"I'll always love you," he whispered in my ear.

I heard slow, hesitant footsteps heading towards the window. _NO, he couldn't leave. I couldn't lose my angel again._

"please… Please don't leave me," I begged.

Cold, marble arms wrapped around my body. He brought his face down to my ear and

whispered once again, "I'll never leave you. There is no other place on this earth that I

would rather be, than here."

"I'm so sorry," I exploded with pleads and cries. "I love you, I'm so sorry." I wrapped my

arms tightly around his neck. "I love you so much, Edward." I cried.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay, sshhh. I love you, too. You don't need to apologize for something _I_

did. You'll never know how much I love you. I could _never_ live without you. I was a fool to

think I could. I was a stupid, _selfish_, fool." He hushed.

"You have no idea how much I missed you," I mumbled, still clinging to him afraid he

would disappear any moment.

"If you missed me as much as I missed you, I think I have a pretty good idea." He

humored. I chuckled between gasps.

Edward wrapped his arms around my waste and rested his chin on the top of my head.

"Bella…?" Edward breathed.

"Mmmhh," I sighed.

"Marry me?"

**A/n. okay, this took forever. I was going to keep Bella mad at Edward, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought this was sweeter. Never trust my summaries. I could end the story here if you like, but if not just tell and I'll keep going. Although I'll have to make it into another story because the summary I have wont be able to explain half of what I have in mind. Even if I edit it I won't have enough space. Tell me what you thought because I'm dying to know and I really do want to write and sequel to this. REVIEW!**


	5. She deserves better

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Usually I never do this. But there is a completely different story in this chapter if you tell it by Edward's point of view opposed to Bella's. So that's what I did. I agree that it wasn't the right thing for the ending. I have no clue what I'm going to do to make it work but thank you those who gave me some confidence. AND THUS THE STORY GOES ON…..**

_Suddenly Edward straightened up. A snarl erupted from his throat. His grip around my shoulders became firm and hard. I couldn't escape from his grasp. There was a brief, intense knock at the door. That couldn't have been Charlie, unless of course he was extremely drunk. But that's not Charlie; he would never do anything like that. _

_I turned around and headed out of my bedroom and made my way downstairs. I was careful enough not to trip. I reached the door and slowly opened it anxious of who might be knocking. When I opened the door and raised my head my entire body went into shock._

_Victoria wasn't at the door or Charlie. Not even one of the Cullen's was standing in front of me._

_When I finally raised my eyes to the strangers face I saw one, very, very angry Jacob Black._

**She deserved better**

E.P.O.V.

Bella, my Bella, sat in my arms.

How could she even stand that close to me?

If I had the choice I wouldn't.

I was a worthless creature that didn't even deserve to live.

I couldn't even look into her eyes knowing what they held.

They were full of the hurt that I had caused her.

How could she have loved me? How can she love me now?

"Are you mad?" she questioned simply. She could read me better than anyone in my family.

I loved that about her. It was almost as if she could read _my_ mind.

"…yes… but not at you. I could never be mad at you. I'm furious at myself. I was so stupid for leaving you. I never deserved you. I'm sorry for ever hurting you. I'm sorry for ever ruining your life." I explained. I _never_ deserved her.

She deserved someone better than me.

Someone _human_, something I know I could never be.

"You're leaving me again aren't you?" she asked with clear agony.

I could never leave her again. It ripped me to shreds as she asked that.

Does she want me to leave?

"Not unless you want me to. Do you?" I could even hear the hurt in my voice. I'm sure she could hear it too.

"I'm not sure, Edward. Honestly, I still think I'm dreaming." She explained softly after a brief moment.

Would she want me to stay if she knew she was awake?

I frustrated me beyond measure that I couldn't read her mind!

"_Bella…"_ I whispered.

I then heard _it._ I straightened up instantly when I recognized the voice.

A snarl erupted from my throat. My grip on her shoulder became firm and hard.

_"I know that blood sucker is here! If he hurt her, even touched her, I will tear him to pieces. Screw the god damn treaty!" _he knocked on the door louder than necessary.

That fool! If he had one logical thought in his clueless mind, he would know not to be around Bella so angry!

"Bella I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I should have never left you. I was never helping. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Please, please, please for give me for what I did." I sobbed.

That dog was going to hurt her because of me being here.

"Edward, who's at the door," her musical voice shakily asked.

I couldn't answer. Instead I unwillingly let go of Bella's shoulder.

He knocked again. But louder and more agitated.

"Be safe," I whispered so low that she was barely able to hear.

"Just promise me that you'll be here when I get back."

Did she want me to stay?

"I promise," I leaned down to kissed her forehead.

If emotions weren't racing through my mind at that moment I would have chuckled when I heard her heart rate increase.

I always found that funny.

I released my grip and she turned around to answer that door.

_God, I hope she doesn't trip and kill herself_.

I winced at the thought. _She would hurt herself and even if I was so close, I wouldn't be able to save her._

"Where is that blood sucker?" I heard Black roar from the doorway.

I wouldn't let him hurt her. I would have killed him before I would let him hurt my Bella.

I rushed out the door and raced halfway down the stairs.

"Jacob, please, Calm down." Bella cooed. He didn't relax a bit

Black began to shake violently and uncontrollably. It was only a matter of time until he

Lost _all_ control.

"Careful now, Black. You wouldn't want to hurt Bella," I interrupted.

Hopefully I could get him to leave before he clawed Bella to shreds.

I cringed at the thought of seeing Bella on the floor of her home, dead. "I'm right here." I spoke flatly.

"What are you doing here!?!" the _dog_ demanded pushing past Bella and into the house.

"Bella, you might want to leave," I recommended, doubting all of his self control.

"She's fine! Now, what are you doing here?" Jacob's frustration was rising.

His tremors became stronger and more frequent. Only a matter of time.

"I came to see Bella," I would do anything for Bella.

"Bella?" he said directing the question at her.

"_Did she tell that leech to come here? Did she know he was coming?" _He thought.

"She didn't know I was coming, I just did." I interrupted answering all the questions he thought.

"Stay out of my head!" he commanded. "Why did you come back? Don't you think

you caused her enough pain? Did you think that by coming back here and saying a few

fancy words it would make everything right?!"

Like I didn't know that. Even if it took me all eternity, I would show Bella how sorry I was, and just how much I needed her.

"Edward… he's right," she whispered with sorrow. "It kills me to admit it, but he's right. It doesn't make everything right. I don't know what can." Each word she spoke sent a surge of pain through my cold body.

I know he was right.

"You think I don't know that. Bella, that's why I'm here, that's what I'm trying to do. That's what I _will _do. I didn't want to see you hurt. I was putting you in danger by even existing,

Bella, would you have rather died or have me leave?" I questioned hurt.

I didn't care about the dog anymore. All I wanted to do was explain to Bella that I would never do that to her again and beg for forgiveness.

I ran to her. I stood directly in front of her firmly grasping her shoulders in my hands.

Heat radiated off her skin and sent a warm sensation through my hands. I was almost as if I was alive again.

Her heart began to race again.

"I would rather die," she answered immediately. She didn't even have to think about her answer.

"_Has Bella lost all of her common sense?" _He thought again.

She kept staring directly into my eyes.

"This is why I left, Bella. I was putting you in constant danger. You don't understa-"

"I understand perfectly," she interrupted and once more screaming. "In case you haven't notice it's not your choice. It's mine. If I want to put myself in constant danger, than I will. But you have no say in that matter. You might have had an opinion before but now you have nothing." She yelled angrily.

"Bella-" I began softly.

"Leave!!" she commanded screaming louder than necessary "You too, Jacob." Bella said lower but her voice still retaining its original anger.

Suddenly visions of Bella clutching to her chest and screaming in unbearable pain came into the dog's mind.

Another one came across his mind with her sitting next to him. She was talking about something. Something to do with a hole in her chest… and me!

I then saw Bella, she was paler that me. She was lying on Charlie's couch. She kept whispering "he's gone, He's gone." Something to me that she was talking about me.

"I did that to you," I thought out loud. I scarred Bella emotionally. Whenever someone mentioned me, she felt raging pain by an imaginary hole in her chest. _I_ did that to _her._

Worry flickered across Bella's face. She knew what I was talking about. She had to.

"I told you to stay out of my head!" he yelled from the doorway.

I did my best to ignore him. "I'm sorry, Bella. You have no idea how sorry I am." It was better for me to leave. She was probably in unbearable pain the moment I came back and said her name.

She didn't want me, I only caused her pain. She deserved better than me.

Even if I had to suffer more than I had before, I had to leave.

I looked into her eyes for what would probably be the last time in a matter of years, and ran.

I ran upstairs to her room. I stood directly in the center taking in my surroundings.

This would be even harder than the last time. Something deep inside me told me that I wasn't able to do it.

"I'm sorry you have to go through with this again, Bella," he spoke compassionately from downstairs

"_How could he do this to her? She deserved better than that. I knew he couldn't be trusted. Does that leech even know what he's doing to her?_

"I can understand if you want to stay

home tomorrow. Just promise to put on a good face for Charlie. I won't mention anything. Not even to Sam."

"Thank you," Bella sobbed.

I heard him gently close the door and there was a brief silence.

Bella suddenly began to yell.

"What have I done!?!?!?!?" she screeched. "You idiot! What

the hell were you thinking??? He was trying to apologize and you just threw it in his face.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO LISTEN!!!! I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE OF THIS!!!" she sobbed.

"I'm so, so, so sorry. This was all my fault. I caused all this trouble. I caused you all this pain, I'm so sorry. You did nothing. I'm sorry," she continued. That wasn't true! She had nothing to do with this. This was all entirely my fault, not hers! I caused all the trouble. I caused all the pain. She did nothing but suffer because of me.

"Everything would be better for you if I didn't exist, Edward. I'm sorry I had to complicate and ruin your life." She whispered softly as she sobbed and cried.

I ran out to the top of the stairs staring down at her. Her knees began to buckle and could no longer hold up her shaking body, and she fell to the floor.

I ran to her side, down that stairs.

"Don't you _ever_ say that, Isabella." I whispered in her ear. "You _never_ ruined my life.

You made everything about this life of endless darkness beautiful. Without you I would

be nothing." I continued.

Tears stained her cheeks as her body rocked with sobs. I couldn't help but feel guilty for her pain. I caused it all.

I rolled her over and scooped her up into my arms and began to carry her upstairs to her room. She instantly wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her face into m shoulder.

I brought her into her room at human speed and gently placed her on her bed. I kissed her forehead and cover her with the Quilt resting at the bottom of her bed.

"I love you," she spoke softly. She was about to fall asleep, she probably thought this was all a dream.

"I'll _always_ love you," I whispered in my ear. _I'll never forget you, Bella. You're my reason for existence. I love you so much! _I thought.

I started to head for her window to leave her to a better life. I life without me…

I stopped in my tracks and looked at my angel one last time. She was so beautiful. I don't think I'll even be able to last a week.

I continued walking, hesitating on ever step. _Forgive me, Bella._

"Please… Please don't leave me," she begged softly.

Upon hearing that I raced to her bedside and wrapped my arms around her body taking in her alluring scent.

I brought my face down to her ear and slowly whispered, "I'll never leave you. There is no other place on this earth that I would rather be, than here."

"I'm so sorry," she exploded with pleads and cries. "I love you, I'm so sorry." She wrapped her arms tightly around my neck again, afraid that I was going to leave, "I love you so much, Edward." she cried.

"Shh, Bella. It's okay, sshhh. I love you, too. You don't need to apologize for something _I _did. you'll never know how much I love you. I could _never_ live without you. I was a fool to think I could. I was a stupid, _selfish_, fool." I hushed.

"You have no idea how much I missed you," she mumbled, still clinging to my neck.

"If you missed me as much as I missed you, I think I have a pretty good idea." I joked.

I wrapped my arms securely around her waste and rested my chin on the top of her head. Her heart rate increased and her scent overwhelmed my senses. She has no idea how much I love her, or how much I missed her.

"Bella…?" I spoke.

"Mmmhh," she sighed.

And I lost all my control. The words just escaped my mouth without any of my consent. My mind blanked out and it was as if someone else was controlling my body.

"Marry me?" I breathed.

**review!!!!-please**


	6. He's back for good

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**I have no plan for this. I'm improvising with each paragraph. I still hope you like it.**

**He's back for good**

"_What_?!" I almost shouted. Did he just ask me to marry him? Did he even remember what was just happening? Is this even real?!

"Bella…I love you. You know that." He spoke quietly and calmly.

"I know I love you too, but _marriage_?" I said a little more relaxed, but a little stressed when I said marriage.

"I love you, you love me. I don't see a problem."

"How about the fact that I'm only 18!" I said slightly louder than before.

"And I'm almost 107, that's got to count for something, Bella." He replied in his same calm and relaxed tone. "Tell me why you don't want to marry me." He asked slightly hurt.

"Only if you tell me why you want to marry me."

"Okay, for starters I can't live without you. I can stand to be away from you. I love you more than life itself. And you said that you wanted to spend eternity with me, marriage just makes it official."

"Whoa, what do you mean official? Are you saying that…"

"If you marry me I can't see why I shouldn't change you. I wont have much of a choice." He explained with a small bit of regret. "Your turn." He said with a crooked smile.

"Well for one thing, what would I tell Renee and Charlie. And couldn't we be together and not be married?"

"We'll figure something out," he answered flatly.

"I don't know, Edward. Just look at my parent's marriage. That didn't even last 2 years. We not only need to make it over two years, but eternity. What if what happened to them happens to us?" I objected with worry.

"Bella… would you ever leave me?" he questioned with sarcasm.

"I would never do that, but would you?" it probably wasn't the best question for the moment. His face became serious and he held me close in a loving embrace.

"I will_ never_ leave you again." he said reassuringly.

"Give me a day or two to think it over, okay?"

And before Edward could answer that front door opened downstairs.

"Crap" I muttered to myself, and I leapt from my place in Edward's arms and went downstairs, knowing Charlie would be standing in front of the door.

I stumbled over the first step but thankfully regained my balance before I fell half way down the stairs.

"Hey, dad. How are you holding up?" I asked quietly.

He raised his face slowly until his bloodshot eyes met mine.

"Fine… His family isn't doing to well though. They're all having a very rough time." He answered slowly.

"Are you hungry? I could heat you up some dinner if you want. I'm sure you haven't eaten anything since the service." I said trying my best to comfort him.

"That's okay, Bells. I honestly think I'm just going to go to bed. It's been a long day and I think that I need some sleep." He explained in the same dual tone. Charlie did his best to smile but his eyes were overwhelmed with grief.

"Okay then. Good night," I said with a small consoling smile. "I actually think I'll do the same. I'm pretty tired."

_Maybe I should hold off on telling him that Edward came back. Maybe tomorrow, or next week... possibly next month…_ I thought.

I headed upstairs with Charlie sluggishly trailing behind.

"I love you, dad." I whispered as I went into my room. "Everything's going to be okay."

He gave me a sympathetic look and continued down the hall into his room and I continued into mine.

"What was he thinking?" I asked Edward as I closed my door.

"He's amazed…" he answered simply.

"About what?" I replied confused.

"He's amazed that you were able to live through someone so close to you leaving you. He's amazed that you were able to do it…" He trailed off.

"Please stop," I begged.

"Excuse me?" he asked confused.

"Stop hating yourself. Just forget about it, please." I begged once more.

"It's not that easy, Bella." He explained looking away.

"I understand that. But you can't keep going around being all _emo_ about it!"

The thought of Edward going around in dark clothing and being emo brought delight to the moment._ Emo Edward, I would pay money to see that._ I thought.

"You need to get some sleep, Bella" he said changing the subject of his moodiness.

"Fine, but would it kill you to smile." I humored.

"I'm already dead," he objected.

I sighed. "Please, Edward. You're getting very annoying."

"I'm sorry, Bella." He said lovingly, wrapping his arms around my waste and leaning down to kiss me. "Get some sleep." He breathed.

"Okay," I replied.

I crawled back into my bed and he sat beside me, keeping his arms wrapped around me securely. I fell asleep almost instantly.

I opened my eyelids slowly. They were heavy and I squinted as the sun crept through my windows and illuminated my room with light. When my eyes finally adjusted I opened my eyes all the way and almost fell off my bed in shock.

Lying in front of my holding my in a secure embrace was Edward. It took me a minute to remember the events that had happened earlier yesterday.

"Good morning to you too," he said with a smile.

"Good morning." I yawned.

"Human moment?" it didn't even seem like a question.

"Yeah and I gathered up my toiletries and headed for the bathroom.

My thoughts were clouded with guilt. I know I hurt Jacob last night.

I began debating whether I should go and see him in my head.

_If I do go to see him Edward will get pissed and very over protective. There's now way he would let me step out of this house knowing where I wanted to go. And what would I say to Jacob "Oh I'm sorry, you were just a fall back when Edward left and we had no connection." We had a connection. He's my best friend but I don't _love _him. And once he figures out that Edward is here to stay there will be no need for him to keep it from his pack. They'll all find out and I'll lose all of them. I'll never be able to see Jake again._

_If I stayed, Jacob will assume that Edward left again. No one will find out about Edward and I can spend the day here with him. No one will get hurt or threaten to kill anyone. Everyone's happy. _

I stepped out of the bathroom and went into my room to be welcomed by Edward.

He ran up to me and greeted me with a very passionate kiss.

"I love you," he whispered happily. Something was wrong with this picture. Edward was way too happy. Usually he would be all dark and moody and be all "I hate myself I deserve to die," I guess he actually listened.

"You're very happy today." I chuckled.

"It's a happy day," he explained with a large smile.

"Not for long," I muttered.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" he asked no longer smiling.

"I need to go to La Push. I need to talk to Jacob," I answered.

"Have you given any thoughts to this impulsive idea?" he stormed.

"A lot of thought, actually. They all tell me to stay here, but I can't do that. I owe it to him, Edward." I spoke quietly.

"That dog could tear you to pieces without even trying. Be reasonable, Bella!" he objected. "Think this through!" he begged.

"I have, Edward. I'll be back in an hour or so," I said with a sincere smile. I reached up on my toes and kissed him lightly. I turned around and began walking towards my door when Edward grabbed my arm gently with his marble hand.

"Bella…" he protested.

"I'll be fine, Edward. Don't underestimate him, I certainly don't," I said calmly and continued walking out of my room. 

Edward was speechless as he stood beside my bed watching me leave. _Great, what are you planning on doing now?_ I thought to myself. I had no clue.

I shut the front door behind me and climbed into my truck. The engine roared to live and I drove away to La Push to explain a few things to my werewolf friend.

The drive was shorter than I thought and I still had no idea what I was going to say to him.

I got out of my truck and slowly approached the door to his home. I inhaled deeply as I got close enough to knock.

I held my breath and knocked on the door briefly. I heard feet shuffling about inside the house and they got louder as each fraction of a second passed.

I should have listened to Edward.

"Bella," Jacob greeted rather surprised.

"Hey, mind if we talk for a second?" I asked sweetly.

"Sure, let's go." He replied. He gently clasped my hand and led me to the beach.

The air smelled of salt and a heavy breeze blew through the air. Gray clouds painted the sky evenly with a sure sign that it would rain.

"so0o0o, what did you want to talk to me about?" he asked calmly.

"Edward's back… for good."

**I know I should be getting to the plot. Believe me I'm trying. I thank you all for your reviews and believe me they help. I've been getting off topic lately and I'm working on the actual plot part. My creativity has its limits unfortunately. Thanks again…REVIEW SOME MORE PLEASE. Thank you all.**


	7. You're not helping

**All those who visit should know that Eclipse is scheduled to be released on august 7th. When I found out I started to hyperventilate since I was so excited. It's going to be a long summer I can tell you that. Well in honor of eclipse and since my fanfiction takes place in the end of New Moon, this fanfiction will sort of show what i think will happen in Eclipse. So enjoy. I'll try not to ramble! I hope you like it XD!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

"_Edward's back… for good." _

**You're not helping**

JPOV

Fury arose in my chest. I didn't believe this. Those bloodsuckers couldn't be trusted. He was going to hurt her. Those leeched always lie!

"You can't honestly believe that, Bella," I replied.

"But I do believe him. After all this time and everything he did, I believe him." She spoke slowly looking away from me.

"What happens next?" I asked slowly.

"I… I don't know, Jacob. I just don't know," she regretfully explained.

"What are you going to do, Bella? You can't _just not know_! You should have thought about this a little bit more before you went a made stupid and reckless decisions!" I yelled. My body began to go through strong convulsions. I needed to relax.

"You think I don't know that?! That's what I'm trying to figure out. Why are you doing this, Jacob? Last night was very hard for me and honestly you're not making it better!" she yelled back. Bella was now looking directly at me but with sorrow in her eyes. And it I was part of the reason the sorrow was there. I wasn't making this any easier for her.

"Bella, I just don't want you to be hurt again. I don't trust that leech. All of those bloodsuckers, they're lie and deceive with no mercy. They kill without thought and even if you think you know them you just don't." I spoke slightly calm but very serious. They were a great danger and she just didn't seem to grasp that.

"You don't know anything about them. They don't lie and they don't kill. At least the Cullen's don't. The Cullen's are my family. I've accepted them and they've accepted me. I would do anything to be part of their family!" she said fiercely.

Was she saying what I thought she was saying? Did she actually want to be part of that coven? Did she actually want to be cursed to the hell those bloodsuckers called lives?

"What are you saying, Bella?" I asked with a stern expression. She looked up at me no longer with sorrow lingering in her features. She had a blank face.

"I want to be one of the Cullen's," she explained plainly. She said it so calm like it didn't matter.

How could she want that? Did she have any idea what she was doing?!?!

"Bella have you lost you're mind!?" I stormed with anger. She took a step back out of fear but her expression never changed. Fear didn't even flicker across her face. Nothing.

She's thought about this for a long time to look so sure. I thought. How could she want to be part of that? How? How? How?

"Bella you can't be serious," I pleaded.

"Edward has asked me to marry him. If I say yes, he will change me," she explained.

How could she be so calm about this? They would detr….

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, did you just say marry?" I asked confused.

"Yes. He asked me to marry him." She answered calmly.

How could she possibly even think about the thought of becoming one of those things with out shuddering?!

"You need to think about this. you have no idea how much trouble becoming one of them, let alone marrying one of them, will cause!" the treaty would be broken and she would be one of them. I winced at the thought. We would have no choice but to kill her along with the rest of those things.

"I already have, Jacob." She said with compassion.

"And…?" I asked impatiently.

"I'm… it's just… I…I haven't told him yet" she stammered. Bella took in a deep breath and braced her self. She raised her head up high and look directly into my eyes.

"Bella?" I whispered.

"I'm going to say no." she stated.

**I bet you weren't expecting that. I hate it when people can predict my stories to I make them unpredictable even If I don't want that to happen. Sacrifices must be made. Anyway I hope you like it and I'm going to try to put the next chapter up this weekend since I personally thought this one was too short. If not then expect if up later on in the week or next Friday. **

**Review please.**


	8. Author's note

**Okay, I can understand if at the moment a lot of people hate me for having her say no. I understand that. For those who don't, thank you. I have many reasons that all pointed to her saying no. for one thing, in the book she never really answered. She never said yes and she talked about graduation which involved Carlisle which means she never accepted Edward's condition. And second, if your boyfriend said that he didn't love you anymore and never really did (lie or not) and then left you for 4 months would you really take him back and say "sure I forgive you and I'll marry you too because I know you'll never do that again and leave me for another 4 month period." plus the marriage between Renée and Charlie sucked. Because of the failure of her parent's marriage, what makes you think her marriage will work either? AND SHE'S 18! So Bella is probably thinking that it's a failure waiting to happen, even if she loves him more than life or not.**

**End of rant. Thank you and I'll get the next chapter up at soon as possible. **


	9. How could you?

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer.

**Please keep reading even if you hate the fact that I made her say no. remember, the summary says _ExB_, NOT JxB!!!!! I respect all your opinions and I do agree that it sounds really weird for her to say no. honestly if I was Bella, I wouldn't have a clue of what I would say. Just keep reading. It gets better I promise. **

**How could you?**

BPOV

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" he asked confused. I don't see what was so complicated about it. He didn't even look to happy about it. Of all people I thought he would glad.

"I'm only 18, Jacob. What do I know? He has made so many promises but hasn't kept one yet. I suffered for months hoping and wishing that he would come back. Now that he finally has I don't know if I want to claw his eyes out or actually say yes. I hated him for doing that to me, but I still love him. I don't know what to do, Jake." I explained.

The clouds had covered up the sun and it slowly began to drip rain. What else was new in forks?

"I'm confused. Bella, I thought that you… well… It's just I thought you still…"

"Loved him?" I finished for him.

"Of course I do. But he lied to me. He left without a word for 4 months and then came back acting like nothing had happened. Expecting me to move on with my life and live a _normal_ life. Whatever that is!" I continued.

It began to rain harder now. My clothes were beginning to get soaked. But I made no notion to go inside.

"You have one messed up idea of normal," he chuckled.

"I hate normal. You know that," I joked back.

"So what are you going to do?" he asked with a worried tone.

"I don't know. I'm afraid that if I tell him, he'll leave again. Even if I do love/hate him I don't want him to leave. And what's the point of being a vampire when I'm not even sure he loves me or not?"

Jacob shuddered at my last question.

"What has that _thing_ done to you?" he asked harshly.

"What are you talking about?" I yelled.

"He's the reason you want to throw away your life?"

"Why does _everyone_ think that me becoming a vampire is a bad idea?!" I whined.

"Why do you think it's a good idea? You'll live the rest of eternity one step short of dead. That's not what you want, Bella." He began to shake again. And of course I being the person with no sense of self-preservation didn't care.

"How do you know what I want?" I argued.

"Bella you don't even know if you want to love that thing or hate him," he slurred.

I couldn't say anything. My mind went blank as well as my face. All I did was gaze at him with shock. The same question ran thought my head as I stood there watching him stare back at me. _How could you?_ Over and over. He promised he would never hurt me, and here he was breaking a promise.

"You're _just_ like Edward." I mumbled loud enough so he could hear. "Why do you hate him so much, Jake?" I questioned.

"We're enemies, Bella. What more is there to explain?"

"I do believe that about a year ago you thought of them as a superstition. You never hated Edward before. Why do you hate him so much now?" I persisted.

"I'll kill him without question the next time he hurts you, Bella."

"If he hurts me again, he'll let you kill him." I gave a small weak smile. "I better go."

"Bye," he said coldly.

I headed back to my truck to go home. That was all a complete waste of time. That same question ran through my head. I didn't want this to happen. Why couldn't things just work out by themselves? Everything never seemed to get better.

_The only time my life somewhat improved was when I fell in love with Edward. He brought meaning to my life. The only reason I even wanted to be a vampire was to be with him._

My ride home was shorter than the ride there. Or at least if felt shorter. I didn't want to see that look of pain on Edward's face when I told him no. this would be much harder than talking to Jacob, even if that turned out to be a horrible mistake.

I arrived at my house in what felt like minutes. I only took an hour but it was so dark outside from the rain and clouds it felt like night.

I opened the front door slowly to step into an empty house. My footsteps echoed down that hall and the walls were dark.

I felt around for the light switch and turned it on. Within seconds Edward startled me by appearing out of nowhere.

"Bella, I was just coming to get you." he spoke with hurt once more illuminating his eyes.

"Why? Is something wrong?" I asked confused by his aching eyes.

"Carlisle just called…" he explained.

"Please tell me that you aren't leaving," I begged. He couldn't leave me.

"I would never leave you, Bella." He explained.

"Then what's going on?"

"It's Charlie. He's in the hospital. He was attacked."

"By who?" I asked.

"…Victoria…" he hissed.

**It's been a busy week and that's why I didn't get a chance to upload this chapter until now. I have the next chapter half way done so expect it sometime this week.**

**REVIEW PLEASE!**


	10. Promises

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/ New Moon or any of its characters. They all belong to Stephenie Meyer

**I haven't updated in a while but to save you all from a boring rant I won't give you the details for why. Here's the next chapter and I plan to have the next one up soon. Enjoy and review. **

**Promises **

"Where is he?" I stormed.

"He's at the hospital, and-" he explained. But before he could say anything else I took hold of his wrist and pulled him outside after me as I quickly paced to my truck.

"Did you drive here?" I asked flatly.

"Yes, I parked down the street," he answered.

"Good," and turned away form my truck and at a quicker human pace walked down the street to his car. At this point it was more of a jog.

"Bella, what are you doing?" he asked confused.

"Here are your options, Edward. A.) Either you drive as fast as you can to get me to the hospital. Or, B.) I drive myself at the same speed but without the reflexes," I hated giving people ultimatums, but at the moment I didn't really care.

He didn't even have to think twice and opened the passenger door for me. He walked around the front of the car at a human pace that seemed slower than usual.

"You picked the wrong day to be slow!" I yelled in frustration.

He simply rolled his eyes and sighed and slid into the driver's seat and brought the engine to life.

"This will be the last time I ask you to drive exceedingly fast. Just please, drive as fast as you can without killing anyone or anything," I pleaded.

Before I blinked the car was rushing down the street. The houses that lined the sidewalk became nothing but a blur. The needle on the speedometer swiftly crept over to the right. We hit 150 mph within seconds.

The ride was silent the entire way but my heart was racing like it did when Edward would touch me.

We arrived at the hospital in a matter of minutes. As soon as he parked I jumped out of the car and started to walk to the entrance without hesitation. I didn't even bother to wait until the car was turned off.

Edward had no trouble keeping up with me and before I knew it he was by my side walking at the same speed.

The automatic sliding doors were also too slow. I squeezed my body through a 6 inch gap the door made and approached the front desk in the waiting room.

"Charlie Swan, where is he?!" I asked in a stressed tone. My hands were shaking and my breathing was shallow. My mouth way dry and my legs felt weak, like they couldn't carry me anymore than they already have. My throat was sensitive and I could feel each breath.

I could feel the oxygen rush down my throat and back up as I exhaled. My chest felt like it was collapsing on my lungs and it hurt to inhale.

"I'm sorry you can't see him right now," she said with a perky smile.

I was relatively calm up until that point. I even asked where my father was with a fake smile. But she obviously didn't get it.

"Why the hell not!? He's my damn father!!! Where the hell is he!?" I screamed.

My sudden explosion shocked the nurse at the desk and her eyes widened.

Edward stepped up next to me with extraordinary grace. He pried my hands off the counter with little effort and brought them down to my sides.

"I'm sorry about that. She's just having an extensively stressful night. Her father, Charlie Swan, was brought in earlier this evening. Would she by any chance be allowed to see him?" he said sweetly flashing a smile.

"Oh, Edward, I haven't seen you in such a long time. How's Carlisle? It's a shame you and your family had to move to Los Angeles," she cheered with that same obnoxious smile.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY FATHER?!" I exploded again.

"Sweetie, please calm down,"

"Don't tell me to be calm. I perfectly calm. Stop changing the subject and tell me where my dad is!" I commanded. She was really starting to annoy me.

"Please, Vivian. It's been a long night for her," he said in an apologetic tone.

"He's in the ER. I'm afraid he was hurt pretty bad. You won't be able to see him for about another hour or so," she said with fake sympathy.

"Thank you," I said curtly. I turned around and walked over to a cluster of chairs covered in faded fabric that almost looked gray or black. I took a seat nest to the window to try and take in the moment. Edward soon followed to take the seat next to me.

"You look horrible," he stated in a hushed tone.

"Thanks," I said sarcastically.

"That's not what I mean and you know it. You look horrible _health_ wise," he clarified. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Well let's see, my father was attacked by a ravenous vampire and is now in the ER, my best friend isn't talking to me, and I'm still taking in the fact that you showed up in my room last night after months absence," not to mention he proposed and I had yet to tell him no "I'm fine. Just fine." I said sarcastically.

"Bella you should go home and get some rest," Edward suggested.

"Not until I can see my dad and I know he's okay," stated in a harsh tone. There was no way he could dazzle me into leaving. I was much to agitated.

"Then at least get some rest here. You look exhausted,"

"Edward, I haven't been able to sleep even relatively well at home for months. What makes you think I would be able to sleep any better here in a cold, hard, uncomfortable plastic chair with thin, worn cushions?"

"At least try," he begged.

"No, not until I can see my dad." I said firmly.

"I can see you'll be very persistent about this." he humored.

I nodded.

There was no more talking after that. We just sat in silence.

Hours felt like minutes and they seemed to fly by instantly. In what seemed like ten minutes the clock ticking in the far wall to the left read nine-o'- clock. The nurse, Vivian I think, said that I would be able to see him in an hour or so. She said that four hours ago.

I sighed. It caught Edward's attention and he placed his hand over my hand that rested on the arm rest.

"Edward, I need to talk to you outside for a moment," I whispered so only he could hear.

Edward complied and followed me outside.

Once we were left outside alone in the moist and dark night I began my interrogation.

"What do you know about Charlie? I know that you know something. What happened to him?" I ranted. Questions just spilled out of my mouth whether I wanted them to or not.

" Alice told me," he sighed. "She had a vision and she called to tell me. No one knows I'm here." He explained. How I missed Alice. Even if I hated it when she held me hostage in a mall I still missed her. I missed Alice and the rest of the Cullen's so much.

"And what was the vision about?"

"She had a vision that Charlie was in La Push and so was Victoria. I'm not sure why she's here but she is."

I suddenly felt guilty for the entire thing. I was the reason Victoria was here. And because of that she attacked my father and he was now in the hospital. Confession time!

"Edward," I began. "I know why she's here. In fact she has been here for a long time. It was only a matter of time until someone I knew got hurt."

Edward looked so confused and at the same time furious.

"Back in March I ran into Laurent. He told me that Victoria was here in Forks looking for me. Not long after Jake and his pack killed him," I explained. I think it might be best to leave out the fact that I went searching for the meadow by myself and then ran into him.

"Why was she looking for you?" he asked holding back a snarl.

"Revenge," I mumbled. "I suppose this is just part of her plan."

"Why would she want to hurt you? You didn't do anything." He asked still confused and snarling.

"It's not what I did, Edward." I chuckled with no humor. "It's what you did."

"What are you talking about?"

"Mate for mate," I stated.

Edward stared at me after a said that. "You really are a danger magnet." He said "I suppose there's no helping that."

"I suppose," I muttered.

I took a few steps away from the door to where there were no windows and leaned my back against the cold hard brick wall. I slid down so that I was sitting on the concrete sidewalk. I hugged my legs and rested my forehead on my knees.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

_Why lie anymore? _I asked myself.

"Horrible."

He took his place be my side. He slunk down and put his hand on my shoulder.

"It'll all be okay, Bella," he said compassionately.

"No it wont!" I sobbed. "Nothing is ever okay, Edward! It's my fault my dad is in the hospital. He's in there because Victoria is after me. He's in there because of me. He might die because of me!

"And here you are saying that things will get better. Open you're eyes, Edward. Nothing is better. Nothing ever gets better!" I continued to sob.

I couldn't take my mind off of Charlie. Edward still seemed like a dream. I kept thinking that I would wake up at any moment and be sitting in my bed alone. Then I would suffer through an unbearable 10 minutes of pain and sobs when I realized that Edward coming back and saying that he really loved me was all a dream.

I exploded with cried, sobs, and gasps. Edward wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his shoulder. It felt like last night all over again- but without Jacob.

"Edward," I cried.

"Its okay, Bella. Everything's going to be okay. I promise."

He _promised._ Keeping me alive was easier for him than keeping a _promise._

I pulled away from him instantly. Everything wasn't going to be okay. Even I knew that. I had to gasp for breath now. I could hardly breathe between my cries.

"Shh, Bella. What's wrong?" he sounded confused.

"You- _promise?"_ I questioned between gasps. "What- promises have- you made to me- that- you actually- kept?"

Even though my eyes were blinded my tears I could tell that his eyes were full of hurt. Even if I was blinded by my own tears, I could still see the vibrancy of his topaz eyes illuminating the damp and darkened sidewalk with sorrow.

He didn't speak.

_Once again, you had to go and say the wrong thing. Way to go, you idiot! _

I began to shiver. For the first time I noticed I hadn't brought a coat with me. It was freezing outside- not to mention raining- and I was in such a rush that I didn't bother to get my coat when I left.

Edward sensed my sudden shiver and shrugged his jacket off his back and slung it over my shoulders. It felt like that night in Port Angeles…

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"Bella, you really should go home. I'm sure they'll call us if they have anything to say about Charlie," he suggested

"No, I'm staying here and there is nothing you can do about it."

"Okay," he sighed. "At least come back inside. If you're going to be staying at a hospital all night, I at least want you to be inside opposed to out," he said. "The last thing I want is for you to be a patient here too." He muttered.

I complied and he stood up. He outstretched his hand and I took it. Edward hoisted me to my feet and led me inside to sit in the waiting room once again.

We sat down in our same seats but now dripping wet from the rain.

"Have you even eaten anything?" he asked.

"Have you?"

"Bella," he sighed.

"I'm not hungry right now. I just want to see my dad."

I rested my head on his shoulder once again and he wrapped his arms around me like he had outside. Even though it felt like the world was ending for me at the moment, I felt happy sitting in his arms.

"I did keep one promise, though." Edward stated suddenly.

"What are you talking about?"

"I promised that I would be at your house when you got back. I did just that," he explained in a soft voice with a small smile on his face.

I let out a small chuckle, "I guess so."

**For the record, when I was talking about all the stuff about feeling her breath when she was talking to the nurse person she was having an anxiety attack. And yes, you can get them. My sister got one shortly after she got her pace maker (keep in mind she is 18 which is a very young age for a person to have a pace maker) and we had to go to the hospital- for three hours on a Monday night -- . So yes you can have a stress/anxiety attack and that's exactly what Bella was having there. It makes sense to me. And not to worry I don't think they can kill, even if my sister had to stay in the hospital over night. Please, review. **


	11. uploading thankyou

**Everyone who is having trouble uploading a chapter for their story I have found a solution thanks to Addie W., with the help of her brilliant story "Edward's Uploading Solution" I was able to upload both this author's note and the last chapter. I was amazed when it worked and I suggest it to all who are having problems like I did. I have the next chapter ready but I think it sucks so I'm going to re-write it. It's that or a crappy chapter. Thank you Addie W.!!!!!! **


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